Car Wash

Car Wash

The following story happened quite awhile ago, so my memory might be a little fuzzy on the details, but I remember it well enough to know that I will NEVER go to one of those auto car washes again!

The car wash was part of one of those gas stations where there is no store, just a little booth. So, I pull up to the sign with all the instructions. I swear I read them thoroughly.

All I had to do was pick my car wash options and swipe my card and put the car in neutral on the tracks.

Or so I thought. So the car starts moving along the tracks and stops, this is when the machine is supposed to wash it, but nothing happens. Just like the stupid automatic bathroom sink. Anyway, I'm trapped in the car in a tunnel. And I am just sitting there, so I tentatively roll the window down and say " hello, you hoo, anyone there? Humm the car is not being washed, hello, I am stuck here" Another few minutes go by and I am debating if I should try and get out of the car. This poses two problems, one will my fat ass fit? Two, will the car wash start with me being out of the car?

Right when I decide I can't live in the car and my kids would be horrified to read headline MOM DIES OF STARVATION IN CAR WASH, the man from the booth runs over. He is saying something I can't understand because he is from some middle eastern country. This is what it sounded like to me, " Youdumbshitwoman OsamaBinladen can'tyoureaddirections auch?" "Putthecarindrive". What? Put the car in drive? Ok. Well, apparently that wasn't it because then he yells " NO, No, No, youareretarded, whywouldyouputthecarindrive? Saddamhussainyouaresophuckingstupid!

So, I put the car back in neutral and roll down the window and yell " I can't understand you, should I get out? Stop yelling at me!" The next thing I know I am being smacked in the head with a giant roller brush and foam is pouring onto my head and into the car. OMG! New headlines, MOM DIES AFTER DROWNING IN CAR WASH. So, I roll up the window as fast as I can, and as I am doing that I hear " Ach, FortheloveofAllah, Ihaveneverseenastupiderwoman". Like I said, this is what I understood him to be saying.

I could be wrong, but he sounded really pissed off. Well, I was a little pissed off myself, there was no need to be mean. I was almost killed by his stupid car wash. That's right, blame the victim. And furthermore, it is certainly not my fault you had to leave your booth. They should have someone at the car wash giving lessons. I would have gladly paid another two dollars for a little tutoring. But did your dinky one booth, broken car wash give me that option? No, it did not! The car finally rolls out of the tunnel. Booth man walks away shaking his head, saying, ( and this I understand very clearly) " What an idiot"

Five minutes later I am driving home and hear the familiar roar of thunder. " damnmysittyluck".